Dr Guy Van de Walle — Psychotherapist & Psychologist | Chelmsford & Online (EN/FR)
Contact: 07475 520419 or
What do you feel the need to deal with?
You may come to therapy with a clear sense of what is troubling you, or simply with the feeling that something is not quite right.
At times, this may take the form of identifiable difficulties—such as anxiety, low mood, or problems in relationships. At other times, it may be less clearly defined: a sense of unease, disconnection, or lack of direction.
Psychotherapy offers a space in which these experiences can be approached with care and precision. It is not only a matter of alleviating what is immediately problematic, but of understanding what gives rise to it, and what it may signify.
The areas outlined below correspond to some of the difficulties people commonly bring. They are not exhaustive, nor are they meant to provide ready-made categories. Rather, they offer points of orientation for something that is often more complex.
Seeking help for generalised anxiety & depression
A distinction needs to be made between what may be called average anxiety and troublesome anxiety, often referred to within the psychological professions as “generalised anxiety”. A similar distinction applies between low mood and depression.
Passing anxiety and low mood are part of ordinary life. They arise in response to situations, events, and circumstances, and usually remain proportionate to them. What calls for attention are not these everyday experiences, but generalised anxiety and depression.
These states are commonly identified through a list of signs or symptoms—such as psychological tension, uneasiness, low mood, or sadness. While this descriptive approach can help one recognise patterns and develop the resolve to break cycles in which negativity feeds on itself, it remains limited.
To properly understand these conditions, more is required than a catalogue of symptoms. Clear and meaningful definitions are needed.
Generalised anxiety is often described as persistent, excessive, and uncontrollable worry about various aspects of everyday life. Depression is typically defined as low mood or prolonged sadness. Such definitions, however, remain superficial. They describe outward manifestations but fail to capture the underlying psychological phenomena and existential reality of what is being experienced.
To reach that level of understanding, it is necessary to go deeper. The underlying dynamics Troublesome or generalised anxiety can be understood as arising from the breakdown—or the threat of breakdown—of one or more structures that sustain and organise one’s world and everyday existence. These structures may be personal or institutional. A breakdown is not simply a disturbance: disturbances tend to give rise to what we have called average anxiety. A breakdown, by contrast, affects the very conditions through which one’s experience is organised and made viable. Generalised anxiety may also emerge from a tension between one’s life and self-representation on the one hand, and who or what one is on the other. This tension is not always immediately visible, but it can exert a persistent and destabilising influence. ⸻ Awareness and limitation Navigating such situations is inherently difficult. It becomes considerably more so in the absence of sufficient psychological and existential awareness. In practice, most of us are only partially equipped to understand our own psychological life, and human life more generally. As a result, the structures through which we relate to ourselves and the world may become rigid. They lose flexibility, limiting both agency and the capacity for reconfiguration. These limitations often intensify anxiety and, over time, may contribute to the development of depression. ⸻ Seeking help Seeking help when experiencing high levels of anxiety or depression can itself be challenging. Motivation, strength, and confidence may be diminished. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness—often accompanied by a loss of self-esteem—can lead to withdrawal and isolation. However, help is available. Finding the right therapist is key. This involves working with someone who is able to support the development of your awareness, help you understand what you are experiencing, and assist you in navigating these situations with greater clarity, flexibility, and effectiveness.
Addressing low-self esteem and lack of confidence
Self-esteem and confidence are often confused, yet they refer to distinct aspects of our psychological life and need to be clearly differentiated.
Confidence concerns the trust one places in one’s ability to perform a specific action—for example, speaking in public or running a certain distance.
Self-esteem, by contrast, relates to one’s perceived entitlement to be or to act in certain ways. This entitlement is grounded in an evaluation of one’s personal and/or institutional worth.
This sense of worth is based on the attributes one considers oneself to possess. These may include abilities, but also qualities, traits, and dispositions—whether physical, emotional, intellectual, or technical.
Low self-esteem arises when one’s possession of these attributes is called into question or disqualified, whether through internalised judgments or external influences. As a result, one may feel illegitimate or inadequate in participating in certain situations, roles, or areas of life.
From self-esteem to confidence Low confidence frequently follows from low self-esteem, which explains why the two are often confused. When individuals perceive themselves as lacking the attributes required to engage in a given situation, they tend to doubt their ability to perform within it. In this sense, the way one sees oneself has a direct impact on one’s capacity for action. ⸻ Contextual and pervasive forms Low self-esteem may be contextual or pervasive. When it is contextual—linked to a particular situation, role, or activity—it is useful to reflect on one’s relationship to that context. Two main avenues may then be considered. The first consists in developing or acquiring the attributes required to participate more effectively in that context, through a deliberate and appropriate course of action. The second involves a process of re-contextualisation: recognising that one may be operating in an environment that is not suited to one’s dispositions, and that a change of context may be more appropriate. ⸻ Deeper forms of low self-esteem When low self-esteem is pervasive—experienced across situations and over time—it points to more fundamental issues concerning one’s identity and one’s relationship with the world. Addressing this form of low self-esteem typically requires deeper and more sustained work. While demanding, such work can lead to significant and lasting transformations in how one experiences oneself and engages with life.
Dealing with questions of identity
The question ‘Who am I?’—often experienced as unsettling or pressing—may arise early in life or at later stages.
In some cases, it emerges in the context of what may be called self-emergence, a particular situation which requires specific attention and is addressed separately in the next section.
More commonly, it is brought to the fore by life circumstances and changes—especially when these affect the foundations of one’s existence and involve a transformation. This may occur at key moments such as the transition to adulthood, the choice, beginning, change, or ending of a career, or the formation, transformation, or loss of a relationship, among other significant life situations.
Questions of identity do not present themselves in a single way. They may take different forms and give rise to different types of challenge: • One may struggle to have one’s identity recognised by others—to make oneself seen, understood, and respected. This often involves the need to (re)define one’s boundaries and to learn how to maintain them. • One may be confronted with the loss of a former identity and find it difficult to move forward without it, experiencing resistance or inability to redefine oneself. • One may be in the process of developing a new identity, or reconfiguring an existing one, but find this process unsettling, raising doubts, tensions, and uncertainties. • One may never have developed a sufficiently stable sense of identity, and may question whether one has an identity at all, or what it might be. This situation is often linked to difficulties in, or questioning of, one’s process of socialisation—that is, the process through which one becomes a participant in a given human world (family, professional environment, social group, or society at large). ⸻ Consequences Indetermination in relation to identity often leads to a range of experiences, including a sense of emptiness, lack of meaning or direction, anxiety (including social anxiety), isolation, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of inadequacy. ⸻ How I can help I can help you make sense of what you are experiencing and clarify what is taking place. I can also support you in navigating identity-related transformations—whether this involves moving on from who you were, understanding where you currently stand, or engaging with who you are becoming, or may need to become.
Facilitating self-structure reconfiguration
Human psychological life is characterised by a fundamental divide within our personality structure. Psychotherapeutic traditions have described this divide using different terms, often distinguishing between the ego or false self and the true self.
The notion of a “false” self does not imply a judgement of value. It refers to the fact that this aspect of the personality is constructed, largely through the process of socialisation and adaptation to the social and cultural world. By contrast, the “true” self designates what is not constructed in this way: the personality as it exists independently of these adaptations.
An alternative and, in some respects, more useful terminology is that of inner and outer selves. The inner self refers to who we are at our core, while the outer self corresponds to who we are in our participation in the world.
This latter distinction has the advantage of highlighting complementarity rather than opposition. Both dimensions are necessary. A viable and balanced psychological structure depends on their proper articulation and integration.
Difficulties tend to arise when one of the two dimensions becomes exclusive. An over-investment in the inner self can be as problematic as an over-investment in the outer self, as both disrupt the balance required for a viable mode of existence.
Two configurations
This imbalance may take two main forms.
For the majority of people, the inner self is partially repressed during the process of primary socialisation, particularly as participation in the world intensifies in the early years of life. For a significant minority, the situation is reversed: the inner self remains highly assertive, while the outer self—or the capacity to engage effectively with the world—remains relatively underdeveloped. ⸻ Self-emergence and Self-resistance In the first case, life circumstances—or the passage of time itself—may lead to a renewed assertion of the inner self. This process is often described as self-emergence, or true self emergence, and is sometimes associated with what is commonly referred to as a “mid-life crisis”, although it can occur at any stage of life. Within the psychotherapeutic field, this process has received considerable attention and is often treated as the primary, if not exclusive, dynamic at play in such situations. In the second case, a strong inner self combined with a relatively underdeveloped outer self may lead to difficulties in engaging with everyday structures and activities. I refer to this process as self-resistance. It reflects a difficulty in establishing or sustaining a viable mode of participation in the world, and may result in forms of maladaptation that are both limiting and, at times, debilitating. Taken together, self-emergence and self-resistance point to a broader and more fundamental process: the configuration and reconfiguration of the self-structure. ⸻ Blockages and consequences Psychological difficulties tend to arise when such processes of reconfiguration are required but do not unfold in a sufficiently integrated way. This is often due to blockages within the self-structure, with resistance originating from the inner self, the outer self, or both. The forces involved can be considerable, and their effects may lead to varying degrees of disturbance—sometimes profoundly disruptive, both psychologically and in the context of everyday life. Anxiety, depression, and, in some cases, physical manifestations may follow when these processes are not adequately addressed. ⸻ The role of psychotherapy With the right therapeutic support, psychotherapy provides a particularly suitable context for facilitating the reconfiguration of the self-structure. Engaging in such a process offers not only the possibility of resolving significant psychological difficulties, but also the opportunity to access one’s psychological life at a depth that would otherwise remain out of reach. The process can be demanding, and at times lengthy. However, it is consistently developmental and often deeply rewarding—whether this results in a renewed capacity to participate in one’s world, or in an increased sense of freedom and agency.
Increasing awareness and understanding
How we think, what we know, and what we understand shape our ability to live and function in the world. They also condition the extent to which we are able to engage with life in a meaningful and fulfilling way.
Most of us go through life with a level of awareness and understanding that is sufficient to manage everyday demands. It allows us to make decisions, solve problems, and respond to the challenges we encounter.
However, life circumstances—or simply the passage of time—may bring into view the limits of this understanding. Situations arise that cannot be adequately addressed with our existing ways of thinking. At this point, the question is not only whether we know enough, but also whether what we know is sufficiently accurate, reliable, and grounded in reality.
Without being aware of it, we often rely on assumptions that are partial, biased, or misleading. Some of these distortions arise from personal history, others from broader cultural patterns of thinking. What is required, therefore, is not only to know more, but to understand more precisely—and on a more solid basis.
The limits of self-directed learning
Developing a more refined and reliable understanding of oneself, others, and the world is rarely straightforward when undertaken alone.
Traditional resources such as books or online material can be helpful, but they often present a proliferation of perspectives without offering the means to assess their validity or relevance. They also lack the feedback necessary to relate this knowledge to one’s own experience. Courses may provide structure and guidance, but they generally remain at a general level and do not engage directly with one’s personal circumstances, psychological structure, or lived experience. ⸻ The role of psychotherapy Where a more precise and personalised form of work is required, psychotherapy opens up different possibilities. It provides a context in which understanding can be developed in direct relation to one’s own experience, through a process that combines careful observation, dialogue, and ongoing clarification. This allows not only for the expansion of understanding, but also for its refinement—bringing into view what may be distorting one’s perception, and what more accurately reflects the reality of one’s experience. This is particularly important when the work requires moving beyond narrow or overly abstract frameworks. A broader and more grounded approach allows different dimensions of experience to be taken into account and articulated in a coherent way. In my work, this includes drawing on a wide range of perspectives—from the human sciences (social, psychological, and historical) to philosophy and spiritual traditions—combined with extensive clinical and life experience.
Understanding relationships
Few of us live—or wish to live—in isolation. Relationships are a central part of human life. Yet they can also become a source of difficulty, tension, and, at times, profound distress.
Living with another person does not simply add to life; it introduces a level of psychological complexity that can be challenging to navigate. Taking care of oneself is already demanding. Doing so in relation to another person, with their own needs, patterns, and expectations, adds a further layer of difficulty.
Struggles in relationships are therefore common and, to some extent, natural. However, they should not be regarded as inevitable. While relationships often require effort, many difficulties arise or intensify through neglect—particularly of communication, understanding, and the relationship itself.
Common relational difficulties
Some of the most frequently encountered issues include:
• difficulty managing differences in personality, values, or ways of thinking
• limited mutual understanding and appreciation
• difficulties in managing conflict
• reduction or loss of closeness and/or intimacy
• imbalance or inequality within the relationship
• unclear or poorly maintained boundaries
• abusive dynamics, including controlling behaviours
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Abuse: recognising what is at stake
Abuse is among the most serious relational issues and requires particular attention. Not all difficult or conflictual relationships are abusive. However, one of the main challenges is precisely to recognise abuse when it is present. This is not always straightforward. Abuse can be overt, as in the case of physical violence, but it is often more subtle and psychological in nature. It may take the form of control, manipulation, or persistent undermining. Because of its subtlety, it may go unrecognised, minimised, or even normalised. In some cases, the difficulty lies not only in recognising abuse, but in allowing oneself to acknowledge it. Doing so may feel threatening, disloyal, or incompatible with one’s attachment to the relationship. Psychological abuse, even when less visible, can cause significant suffering and should not be underestimated. ⸻ Disagreements and communication Disagreements are a common feature of relationships. They often arise, or become more entrenched, through difficulties in communication. However, communication is not simply a matter of exchanging information. At a deeper level, it concerns the capacity to establish a form of togetherness—a shared space in which understanding, cooperation, and complementarity can develop. This requires both personal dispositions and specific skills, which are not always sufficiently developed or available. In such cases, external support may be necessary to facilitate a more constructive way of relating. ⸻ The role of therapy Whatever your particular circumstances, therapy offers the opportunity to: 1. examine the nature and dynamics of your relationship in detail 2. develop a clear and grounded understanding of what is taking place 3. identify the vulnerabilities and patterns that shape the relationship In couple therapy, the role of the therapist is not, in the first instance, to ensure that the relationship becomes viable or enduring. The primary task is to clarify what is happening. Where possible, this clarification may lead to changes and improvements. However, these can only be meaningful if they are grounded in an accurate understanding of the relationship as it is. ⸻ Forms of therapeutic work Depending on your situation and the needs involved, the work may take different forms: • couple therapy • a combination of individual and couple sessions • individual work prior to engaging in couple therapy The aim is to provide the most appropriate conditions for meaningful and effective work.
Overcoming hurt and trauma
Life inevitably involves experiences that wound and cause suffering.
These may include abuse, bullying, relationship breakdown, betrayal, loss, social isolation, rejection, moral condemnation, illness, burnout, or other deeply challenging or traumatic circumstances.
Sharing such experiences is often difficult. The opportunity may not be available, or one may not know how to express what has been lived. There may also be a reluctance to burden others, or a difficulty in exposing one’s vulnerability, which is often perceived as a weakness.
As a result, many people carry their pain alone and attempt to cope with it in isolation.
From containment to expression
Over time, however, a need may emerge to express what has been held in—to articulate one’s experience and find some form of relief. Being able to speak about one’s suffering in the presence of another person who can listen with attention, understanding, and without judgement can already be a significant step. This process of expression, or catharsis, is often an important part of the work. ⸻ Understanding and transforming suffering For some, the process does not stop there. There may also be a need to understand the psychological structure of what has been experienced, to clarify its effects and how it has shaped one’s way of experiencing oneself, others, and the world, and to determine whether and how it can be addressed. This may involve working towards a resolution where possible, or developing a different relationship to the experience—one that allows for greater freedom, peace, and acceptance. I offer a space in which this work can take place safely, confidentially, and without judgement.
Moving beyond troublesome grief
Grief is a form of pain that stands apart from many others. It is not something that can—or should—simply be removed. Experiencing deep pain following the loss of a loved one, whether human or animal, is both natural and, in many respects, necessary.
Psychotherapy does not aim to eliminate grief as such, but to address what may be described as troublesome grief: a form of suffering that becomes so pervasive that it begins to dominate one’s psychological life and interferes with the ability to return to and engage with everyday existence and to re-establish a viable relationship with one’s world.
When grief becomes overwhelming Troublesome grief is often accompanied by intense thoughts, questions, and doubts—about oneself, others, life, and the world. These may remain unresolved and contribute to the persistence and depth of the suffering. Working with troublesome grief involves giving space to these experiences: expressing what has been felt, exploring what has been thought, and, where possible, bringing clarity to what remains confusing or unanswered. ⸻ The possibility of transformation Although it may not be anticipated at the outset, engaging with grief in this way can, in some cases, lead to significant psychological developments. Clients often report shifts in how they understand themselves, others, and the world, as well as changes in their relationship to loss, attachment, and mortality. These developments do not erase grief, but may allow it to be integrated in a way that restores movement, perspective, and a renewed capacity to engage with life.